Sunday, November 14, 2010

When you just don't know

One of the things that drives me craziest about parenting is dealing with Brie not listening.

All this weekend, we've battled with telling her to do something and her (1) flat out ignoring us (2) saying okay and doing something else anyway or [and my personal favorite] (3) looking us square in the eye and saying "no."

Ah, the joys of a three-year-old.

I realized this weekend that when it comes to God trying to give me guidance, lately I've been acting like my bull-headed daughter.

He moves in me, leading me to do something, and I respond in a number of ways.

(1) I pretend like I didn't hear anything. This one's perfect for those situations where I don't feel like obeying, or if [in my nonexistent wisdom] I think I know how to do something better. And when God's not banging you upside the head with a flashing neon sign that tells you what He wants, it's easy to ignore it.

(2) God tells me to do something, and I have every intention of obeying. "Yes, Lord, Send me." Umm, but then I get distracted, or I get fearful that things aren't going to work out the way God promised, and while I had every intention of being a good daughter, I go off and do my own thing.

And finally,

(3) God lays something to do on my heart. But I immediately think it's a bad idea (yeah, because I know so much!) This one's rarer for me because I like to think I'm not blatantly defiant. But it did happen to me lately.

God clearly told me that He wanted me to stop working on the manuscript I was almost finished with. (The one people are waiting for. Really, really waiting for.) Instead, I was supposed to move on to a different book for a while.

I thought about it. And at first, I said No.

I'm under deadline, God. You don't understand there's no way I'll make it if I do this. So, nice idea, but I think I know what I'm doing here.


I forgot that God, who had been faithful to bring me this far on the journey, had worked miracles and wrought wonders to see me published so young and after such extraordinary circumstances when truthfully, I didn't deserve it! And now, I was presuming to tell Him what I wasn't going to do?

Needless to say, I realized what an idiot I was being (I'm seeing a theme here).

And I got to work. On the other book.

Where before, I was struggling to get anything done. I was only getting about 2,000 words a day done on the other book. By switching, it seems like my mind has been refreshed. And I've had some 9,000 words a day moments.

Interesting how obeying is better for me in the end.

Now, if only I can convince my daughter of that!

Hope everyone is doing well, and thanks for letting me share the little spiritual slapdown I got the other day!

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